Narcissists love to control and stay in control of other people. They can’t accept that someone does not want to be with them or reject them. To divorce a narcissist in spite of the narcissist’s unwillingness to do so, the partner of the narcissist has to face with a myriad of obstacles that are put forth by the narcissist to maintain control of the situation. When the narcissist loses control, it’s almost like they have to face the demons living inside of them, and that is so unbearable for them that they fight tooth and nail to prevent that from happening.

When I started divorce proceedings against the narcissist (the N) that was in my life, I did not expect that it would last a total of 2 years, and that was without any children involved.

He would evade the process server. I would never thought he would do such a thing (ain’t we all), but the process server that my lawyer used never could locate the N to serve him the divorce papers. He ignored and hid from the process server multiple times. I had to send his parents’ information to my lawyer in the hope that the process server could catch him there, and still the process server could not. This went on for 4 months while the N vacationed with the other woman in and out of the country. He absolutely did not care. I was so desperate that I asked my lawyer to get the process server to show up on his parents’ house on Thanksgiving Day to catch him after Thanksgiving dinner.

I understand now why people are called “crazy” when they have to deal with narcissists, because you have to think about this as strictly business with no emotions or even etiquette involved to make them play by the rules. I didn’t even hear from the process server or my lawyer then, but something must have happened because the N obtained an attorney to deal with the divorce a few days after that. So the N didn’t need to be served anymore. Why didn’t he just do so in the beginning to make it easy on everyone involved including him? It’s all about the control. By making me wait 4 months and scramble to get him served, he retained control of me and of the process. Being served is a very small detail in the grand scheme of divorce proceedings but for the N, it’s a big deal because he would have to answer to the server and lose his control over that situation and over me.