I never would have thought that the person I have been married to has the capabilities to lie about anything and everything without blinking an eye.

Only until later that I realize the narcissist (the N) that I deal with is a professional liar. He lies even when he doesn’t need to. Lying is a tool that is often used by narcissists to gain narcissistic supply, to feed their egos, and to help them twist their narratives to protect their image. As long as the narcissists gain something from telling lies, it’s not frivolous to them. To them it’s worth it to lie.

One example of this is when the N told my neighbors that he has a HVAC license. I only heard about this way after he discarded me, but I know for a fact he never has had a HVAC license. He didn’t really receive any tangible benefits from going around and saying that, but for him, the ego boost and the admiration that he got from others motivate him to lie.

We also should not forget that narcissists are in deep denial about themselves. Deep down they really do think that they are the victims of whatever happens to them, even though they’re the one that create the chaos in the first place. When people are in denial and really believe in what they are in denial about, they can be pretty convincing, and that makes their lies even more effective.

The N that I dealt with told me a very elaborate lie to explain why he disappeared on me. He said he had an 8 years old child with an ex, and now the ex wanted him to take care of the child, so he had to leave for a couple of months to find the child. The thing is, this whole story is untrue. He doesn’t have any 8 years old child with anyone. He just used this terrible excuse so that he could go off with the mistress for 2 months in Asia and assured that I would be waiting for him patiently at home. After all, how could I fault him for trying to be a good person? By lying about this fictitious child, he established a reason to disappear while protected his image at the same time. Of course, lies lead to more lies. That cycle never ends with the N.

All in all, narcissists lie to get their supply, lie to achieve their goals, lie to manipulate people, and lie to gain sympathy. Ultimately, they lie to protect an empty, hollow self that they fear of facing themselves.